Drillbit Taylor is about three kids who hire a bodyguard to protect themselves from a high school bully…and yet, it isn’t really about bullying.

I left the cinema entertained and having lol-ed a fair bit, but as someone who had to put up with numerous jerks through primary school and high school, I couldn’t help but wish Drillbit Taylor actually had something to teach kids about how to deal with bullying. It doesn’t, which is a shame because it absolutely nails the depiction of being a victim of bullying.

The kids being bullied is skinny nerd Wade (Nate Hartley), weedy shrew Jim (Ian Roberts) and fat boy Ryan (Troy Gentile). If you see this film for any reason – it should be for these guys. Not only is it totally awesome that Troy Gentile played young Jack Black in both Nacho Libre and The Pick of Destiny, but all three of these kids completely nail their characters. They’re weird kids, yet they’re still incredibly likable. Not only that, but they also nail the insecurities of their characters. There’s a fantastically poignant moment when Wade is asked by Drillbit Taylor (the title character and bodyguard, played by Owen Wilson) why he gets bullied. Wade responds: “because I’m awesome.” To which Wilson replies with clarity and sincerity: “by awesome you mean scared, skinny and lonely?”

Owen Wilson does a solid job of playing Drillbit, a homeless bum who takes on the job of being a bodyguard for the kids in order to make some easy money off their trust. However, the character of Drillbit never really works – which is a big problem when you’re talking about the title character. See, Drillbit is a jerk and as such is an unsympathetic character. While he does get some brownie points in moments when he reveals his hidden weaknesses, it doesn’t gloss over the fact that the character arc ends predictably with a change of heart. Not only is it cheap writing – but it clashes with the writing style of the kids scenes, which are believable and sincere.

It’s like they begun with a really strong script – but then Owen Wilson got signed on and someone re-wrote it to be a typical Owen Wilson comedy. No offence at all to Owen Wilson – because he can be really awesome* in Wes Anderson films.

Not only is the film ultimately formulaic and predictable, but it also borrows heavily from other films. It’s essentially a mash up of The School of Rock, Principal Takes A Holiday and My Bodyguard – although Drillbit Taylor does acknowledge the later in a clever cameo by My Bodyguard star, Jayne Adam Baldwin. But because it takes clichés from other films, you can see all of the story points coming a mile away.

And yet, like the dead carcass of a Splicer, there is some goodness to be found inside this movie. Hmm, Bioshock…what an apt reference. As much as it will probably pain most gamers for me to make the comparison, but Bioshock and Drillbit Taylor are remarkably similar in that there’s so much that’s great about these two creations. And yet, in the grand scheme of things it’s all watered down by fundamental flaws in the storytelling.

Anyway, the point I was making before I made that tangent is that are really strong moments to be found within Drillbit Taylor – and these are usually the moments without the character of Drillbit Taylor. Whereas Drillbit’s plotline is all about a love story and scamming kids, Wade, Ryan and Jim’s plotline is full of interesting scenes involving humiliation, revenge, weakness and friendships. As for the scenes with Drillbit and the kids…well, put it this way. Drillbit Taylor is the film that answers the question: how many montages is too many? From training montages to everything-is-gonna-be-alright montages there are just too many montages. Yes, the montage is a great way of showing progression in a short space of time, but it doesn’t do much for character development or actual story progression.

But back on good points on this film, Alex Frost is a truly terrifying force as bully Filkins. His sharp features underneath a black hoodie with that toothy grin alone make him visually striking and his performance is equally menacing. When he’s just talking, his voice just oozes with barely restrained violence – which makes the violent climax of the film pay off well. But as much as I dig the casting of all the kids in this film, it’s all lost between the slapstick, montages, aimless plotting and the completely lack of need for the title character.

It sucks because there was a good film to be made here. They should have scrapped the bodyguard concept entirely and made film entirely about the three boys dealing with bullying and high school life on their own – because that’s the reality and bullying doesn’t get solved by Owen Wilson.

*OK, so this scene is in German…but you get the idea. Now go see The Life Aquatic if you haven’t already.